Roars of a Lioness

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The Roars

Confession

Posted on April 9, 2014 at 11:05 PM

Hey all <3


This is a poem that I wrote - according to my IPod - 604 days ago, though it feels like just yesterday because a lot of the emotions still ring true. I guess that's because we are never truly done confessing to Him. We will always have things to bring to Him.


Proceed with Caution: this poem is not filled with pretty emotions, but it's honest. I was debating whether to post it or not, when the Holy Spirit nudged me and used someone in my life to encourage me to bare my soul. Doing so will always be worth it if you or someone in your life can relate to it. 


So, here is my ugliness wrapped in His beauty. It's #ConfessionTime

 


Confession; when I woke up I was joyful and now I'm feeling dead.

Confession; I know that this is not what He has for me but the devil's on a mission.

Why do I feel like he's winning?


My soul is slowly receding into this place where I no longer see the vision of what God has for me.

Confession; a part of me is scared that I'll just stay in the place for who knows how long.

Confession; that same part is shamed for getting to this state when He clearly told me to be strong.


My soul is in a war;

Casualties keep growing,

Flesh against spirit

And I can't tell who is winning.


A part of me just wants to stay like this.

Pop in a stupid movie; have a few hours of bliss then...

Fake my happiness until it returns.

It'd be the easiest thing; not like it hasn't been done before.


But, I can't.


I'm feeling His conviction,

Feeling the rebuke,

Hear Him saying that this isn't me

That this is just a fluke.

A little slip on my run,

A little pain on my ride,

But that doesn't mean that I should stop,


Stop trying to try.


Stop doing my best to run this race through

Stop being being a light for others to be drawn to.

For the trials are simply a test of our faith

I need to hold fast regardless of all my mistakes.


Regardless of a heart broken

Of a dream shattered

For a scam is in my life and now I feel tattered.

Lied to and used.

Short term joy

Long term blues.


And yet,

Why try to understand?

It being supernatural already tells me where I stand;

Trusting, believing and hoping for His favour.

Striving and persevering; not losing my flavour

As salt


Confession; I feel like I'm wasting time willingly

Like,

I could be doing more but I'm being limited by me

Confession; the shame is covering me

Especially when I know the example that I set to those around me and yet,

I'm not keeping it up continuously.


Lord, I'm so sorry.

Here's my confession please forgive me

Lord, I just want to be the one that You've made me to be

I just want to fulfil Your purpose for me


I'm sorry for letting the clock go by

I'm sorry for not properly living my life

For not effectively guarding my heart,

A repeated mistake, please let me have another fresh start?


Please, I don't want to ever abuse Your grace

I don't ever want to feel disgrace from You.

I don't want to disappoint You but to

Make You happy

So that when I go up You'll be a proud daddy;


You're my Father; 


Yes I'm, acting bold but inside I am hurting

Pain; and yet that builds muscle

The better to be stronger and do more to bring down the devil


This sorrow was needed

For it drove me to confession

Humbling myself to receive Your redemption

Placing myself at Your feet;


And then feeling your compassion.


Slowly warming up my heart

The Holy Spirit now is winning;

Flesh; you need to back down

I'm not being taken from my family

I'm the daughter of the King and you do not get my crown


Finally


A smile


Confession; I was holding back my tears

Built upon a foundation of fears

But I'm happy that I broke down

It means that the foundation can be attacked now


And demolished.


I find myself wrapped in Your love, filled with Your peace and radiating with Your joy.

And I hope for the future,

That as I continue to battle

I won't be easy for the devil to employ


Always knowing that

Back to my knees I may return.

For another;

Confession.

**************

And there it is. Here's a verse for y'all to meditate on;


Psalm 32:5 (NLT)


 

Finally, I confessed all my sins to you

and stopped trying to hide my guilt.

I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”

And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. Interlude

 


Categories: Poetic Roars

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